Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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