In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
