Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
