Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
