she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize