it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
its liver damage thursday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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