New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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