Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
