Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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