Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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