Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
