He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
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