Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
