i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
