i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
