Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
