Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize