you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize