So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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