there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
