Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
