So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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