I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
