you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize