omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
