is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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