just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
