umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
