We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize