Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
