paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
