so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
