If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
