my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
