I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
