when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
