I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
