she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
