it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
