so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
