I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize