Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
