my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
