If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
