I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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