You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
