If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
too bad you live with your parents still
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
