you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
