sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
