I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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