I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
