Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
