Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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