My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
