I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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