that's an acceptable place to lick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
