there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
