What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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