Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
