Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
