Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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