This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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