i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your penis caused this!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
