I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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