okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize