FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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