Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What drink are we having for lunch?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
